I’m not even going to lie. My post-alaskan adventure depression hit me like a freaking train this week. One month ago today, I returned from my adventure of a lifetime full of life and ready to take on the world. I mean, I flew in a helicopter. I stood on a glacier. I hiked in Denali National Park. I was ready for more. Although I was happy to be reunited with my boyfriend and my cats, I was not ready to be home. I was not ready to return to my 9-5 job and drive the same back roads through the same cornfields I’ve stared at for years. After the first day back, returning to my life was easier than I had expected. I had so many stories to tell and I was still on somewhat of a life high from the adventure. It only took about two days before my friend and I started planning a part two to our adventure. I’ve had good days ever since.. until this week.
I’ve explained my bad days a bit in a previous post you can check out here. This week has been no exception. To be more honest than I probably should be, I didn’t even go to work yesterday because I couldn’t get out of bed. I napped on and off and laid in the dark all day and didn’t communicate with anyone. Yesterday was my crashing point. I had a few days of being overly emotional and angry for no reason whatsoever then I had my meltdown and then the day I turned the world off (yesterday).
Depression logic by Phoebe: I am so tired of feeling alone so I am going to not show up to the part of my day where I am surrounded by my friends. Makes perfect sense right?
I didn’t feel great this morning, but I did make it to my half day at work and decided to push myself to visit a coffee shop and work on blog posts among other things. What it comes down to is this: while I wouldn’t change anything about my life now, I never originally intended to settle down. Coming back from anywhere is always a harsh reminder of that. There is still always that part of me that daydreams about what it would be like to live in the mountains or have the ability to get on a plane to wherever, whenever. But I am satisfied with the way things are, I am just struggling to find a happy medium.