You Can Still Be Loved Without Loving Yourself

A couple months ago, I shared this post on my personal Facebook:

This is always a thought I have had but I have never heard anyone else express it so naturally, I assumed I was in the wrong and brushed it off. Okay, okay, that’s a lie- you know me. I didn’t brush it off. I never brush anything off. I’m still haunted by situations I was wrong in when I was in elementary school for crying out loud.

If I had a dollar for every time someone told me “no one will love you until you love yourself”, I’d have enough money to pay off the therapy I’ll need for the rest of my life to recover from everyone telling me I am undeserving of love because I don’t love myself.

Let me tell you this: YOU DESERVE LOVE FROM OTHERS REGARDLESS OF HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT YOURSELF. As a matter of fact, sometimes you need to experience love from someone else to help you discover the most lovable parts of you.

It’s okay to question your good qualities.

It’s okay to not know exactly who you are.

It’s okay to be dissatisfied with choices you’ve made.

What’s not okay is allowing other people’s opinions of how you view yourself dictate whether or not you deserve to be loved.

You deserved to be loved. I love you. Whether I know you or not, I love you simply for being you.


  • I find this very insightful. I believe in love whether from ourselves, others or God. 😃 Yes, it’s true that we deserve love outside of ourselves. God loved us first. Knowing God loves us unconditionally is more than enough to make us realize that love is possible even if it didn’t start from ourselves. Regardless if we love ourselves or not, I agree that there’s so much love in the world to receive and share. Sending you much love too.

    • Thank you so much for such a beautiful response. Sending much love your way also.

  • I agree with you 100%. The guy that I’m with now has helped me to learn to love myself more than I ever could without him. He picked me up out of a self-destructive phase that I had worked myself into before we started spending time together, brushed me off, and showed me it’s okay to be a work in progress. It doesn’t mean you’re a failure. He and his family taught me it’s ok if you need help and that help comes in the form of therapy, it doesn’t make you a failure. If anything, you’re just showing yourself another level of self-love because you care enough to get yourself help. So who cares what others think. I’ve learned that loving yourself is a learning process, that’s constantly growing and changing as you do. So don’t shut your heart to love that could save you and teach you just how to love yourself. I would know. 4 years in and he’s still teaching me about loving myself.

    • I love hearing stories of others finding supportive partners because a lot of people don’t believe they exist. I am so happy for you that you have a solid support system. Sometimes I can’t figure out why my fiancé chooses to spend his life with me but then I remember that if he loves me, there are lovable parts of me and I should try to see them too. ❤️

  • I absolutely agree! I never loved myself until I met my husband. He loved me despite my past, despite my problems…he loved me. And because of him I was able to finally figure out how to love myself. Everyone needs love no matter who it comes from, finding love for ourselves sometimes doesn’t come until we are shown love from another.

  • I related with this post completely. I am so glad that you shared so I could find and read. My partner has shown me what love is and I never had a clue before he loved me. I didn’t know how to love myself.

  • Couldn’t agree more- for those who struggle to love ourselves, what kind of a narrative is it that no one could love us- how is that supposed to help? We need more articles like this debunking this- I get that the initial statement is supposed to be encouraging but really it does the opposite. Sometimes having other people see the good or loveable bits of you is the only way you can see that they’re real

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