Knowing Your Worth Does Not Make You Conceited

I think there is a lot of confusion between knowing your worth and being conceited. Complimenting yourself doesn’t make you arrogant. And self deprecation is not humility. 

As soon as I receive a compliment, it find it impossible to simply say “thank you”. My conversations tend to go something like this:

“Hey Phoebe! Your eye makeup looks really good today!”

“Oh. Thanks..but  I suck at makeup”

When they should really go more like this:

“Hey Phoebe! Your eye makeup looks really good today!”

“Thanks! I think it came out pretty well today too!”

In the above conversation, in no way did I 1. insult anyone else 2. claim to be better than anyone else 3. do anything besides exude a small amount of confidence. So why on earth is it so hard to have conversation #2 instead of conversation #1?

Because THIS is how confidence is viewed:

And honestly, if conversation #2 is still too hard there’s a third option.

“Hey Phoebe! Your eye makeup looks really good today!”

“Thanks! I’m no Jaclyn Hill but I think it came out alright today!”


What got me really thinking about this was actually a chapter in Lilly Singh’s book “How To Be A Bawse”. .. Of course it was because I read this book like it’s the Bible. ..In this chapter, Lilly talked about her experience meeting Selena Gomez and how Selena absolutely schooled her in self confidence. She gave many examples of how Selena displayed confidence but one example stuck out to me and made a lasting impression. Lilly explained that when talking to Selena about her album cover, Selena described it as “raw and beautiful”. I was very taken aback hearing this because I don’t think I could ever refer to myself as beautiful out loud to someone else whether or not I felt it was true. But Selena was confident enough to do so. I was impressed and inspired.

I hate the fact that in hearing someone compliment herself, I was shocked. Selena feels that she is beautiful and was not afraid to say it. No where in this story did Selena claim to be more beautiful than anybody else, she simply said she thought she was beautiful. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

I know personally I am constantly insulting myself and praying that someone will disagree with me and boost my confidence even if I know damn well exactly what I want them to reaffirm for me because recognizing my own accomplishments feels unnatural and wrong. It’s so much easier to try and relate to others using our flaws rather than our strengths. One of my worst examples of this is probably when I talk about my college degree in the following way; “I studied Kinesiology in school but now I’m an overweight bank teller so clearly that worked out well for me” when I could simply choose to recognize that even though I may not be using my degree, I still worked hard for it and that shouldn’t be discounted.

Recognizing your accomplishments is not conceited. Complimenting yourself isn’t insulting others. Confidence is not feeling like you are better than others, it is feeling like the best version of yourself. 

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