Not every toxic person in your life is obvious. Not every toxic person in your life means to be toxic. They might not be toxic to anyone else, even. They might not even be toxic, just not good for you. It happens. Sometimes, you are just not in a place where someone’s company contributes positivity to your life. This is a secret I’ve recently unlocked and I want pass it on.
As I continue to work on “cleaning up my life”, I’m becoming more and more aware of the fact that I am the type of person who never, ever forgets anything that anyone says to me. While I am aware of the fact that that is MY flaw, it always has a tendency to be the same people who’s comments stick with me. Even if it seems petty af, no matter how big or small something is, if you lose sleep over it, put a stop to it.
For the longest time, I felt pressured to keep people in my life solely because they had been in it for such a long time. However, after I would talk to those people, even if it was just a few times a year, I always felt like complete shit about myself for hours, sometimes days afterward. They would somehow, almost always find a way to make me self conscious about everything from the color of my hair to my idea of success. I would always second-guess myself and find myself defending things I’d never felt the need to before.
One day, it occurred to me: I’m a grown ass woman who is allowed to believe in her own ideas. This realization came after a visit with some long friends, who although I’m sure they didn’t mean to because they are truly good people, managed to insult almost every important aspect of my life including (but not limited to) my “entry level” career, not being married yet despite being in a relationship for 4 years, having tattoos, my taste in music and my upcoming trip to Alaska which I was ecstatic for. I remember leaving their house feeling so angry at myself for being such a failure. But the thing is: I wasn’t a failure. I just felt extremely inadequate compared to them, which stung a lot since we had basically the same upbringing. I decided then and there that this was no longer an environment I wanted to put myself in willingly. I don’t think they are rude people who tried to make me feel terrible, but I recognize the areas in my life I am self conscious about and until I feel more secure in those areas of my life, I choose to remove myself from that situation. No bad blood whatsoever.
I’ve also recently learned there is a lot of truth to that saying “some people are in your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.” Not every relationship that fades or ends has to be a fallout. Sometimes, it just happens.
Some people just make you feel bad and there is no way around that. That doesn’t necessarily mean they are a bad person. I constantly read and hear advice about cutting out “toxic”, bad people from your life but not everyone who is bad for you, is purposefully bad for you. Sometimes they just aren’t good for you after or during a specific season and that is completely okay.