A Letter to Those Who Silenced My Creativity:
To Those Who Silenced My Creativity:
I was a very creative kid, always making up skits, dances and songs. I was a very creative teenager who taught herself how to play several instruments and wrote songs. I felt a lot of pain from a very, very young age but I always knew what to do with it. I may not have come directly out and said what was on my mind, but I played it out on a guitar or wrote it out in some abstract way. From the middle of 2012 to about the middle of 2014, I played a lot of live music and wrote a lot of really great material. I was so happy even just getting that chance.
But that creativity diminished when you told me repeatedly that it wasn’t an essential life skill and that I needed to “grow up”. Having dreams was okay as a child but as a young adult, I needed to get a grip on reality. Eff the fact that I was still in college (for something “practical”), had a job and was (and still am) young enough to do whatever the hell I wanted. Was I not even allowed to have hobbies? These thoughts spiraled into an out of control depression.
Your words left me devastated. Not only did I have nothing left to live for, but I didn’t have a way to express myself anymore either. I had no choice but to let the pain fester inside of me because I had no idea what to do with it. I lost my most effective coping mechanism. Not only that, but I interpreted it many other ways: “no one cares what you have to say”, “you are not actually good at anything” and ultimately “you are worthless”. You took away everything I loved then watched me destroy myself for several years. Was that necessary?
Let this letter/post be a gigantic middle finger to you. You didn’t teach me anything of value. You shut me down completely for several years and I have nothing kind to say to you about it.
I’ve been writing music again. I have no idea if the world will ever hear any of it, but I’m doing it. I’m considering restarting my YouTube channel. My blog posts are getting more and more raw and are doing well. I am doing well. Because I have been creating.
I’m not driven by the desire to prove you wrong because after this letter, I will never give you another second of my time. I’m driven by what I have always known I wanted to do, what makes me, well.. me. You can enjoy your comfortable life, but I’ll be out making sh*t happen for myself.