I’m Not Good At This

I’m not good at lifestyle blogging. I’ve tried. But for the most part I don’t particularly care about fashion. I only wear make up like twice a week and I just recently stopped washing my face with the same soap I wash the rest of my body with. I love traveling and will always make as many travel posts as I can. But living off of a 9-to-5 job, it’s impossible to run my blog solely off of travel content at this point in time. That definitely would be my ultimate dream. I don’t have human children and I’m not sure how much of a market there is for cat mommy blogging. Maybe I should look into that though. Ya know, tap into an untapped market. Hmm. I’m also not crafty and I only know how to cook like 3 different things. Mental health blogging wasn’t for me either. Of course I still post a decent amount of mental health content but mental health blogging unintentionally signed me up to be a free therapist -which is something I unfortunately am not interested in either. I also have this problem where I wait until weeks or months after something has occurred to post about it. Particularly because I don’t want people to know when I am the most vulnerable. I’ll write a post about something going on, save it in my drafts and then post it once I feel it is safe to do so. At that point, people are filling my inbox, asking me if I’m okay, and I have no choice but to tell them “yeah sorry that happened a couple months ago”, ruining my credibility and relatability. It has also caused me numerous problems in my personal life. As many strides as we have made when it comes to speaking up about mental illness in the past few years, unfortunately we haven’t made quite enough when it comes to being nonjudgmental in this category.

Clearly, I’m not good at this.

I absolutely love writing motivational posts that get people thinking. I love a good challenge. When I was getting ready to graduate from high school and begin my college journey, I was weighing my options when it came to careers that would allow me to inspire others. For a really long time, I felt called into ministry- writing songs to be sung in church and leading discussions. I was at my happiest and most successful during that time.

My point in this post is this: I just don’t know.

I’m looking for ways to expand my blog and potentially begin others in more refined niches. Wander the Arctic is really just a place for me to post whatever thoughts pop into my head. My dream is to be able to work for myself, allowing me to travel more frequently and have flexibility in my schedule. It isn’t exactly a huge secret that I absolutely despise corporate life…

I just don’t know.

I know this is turning into me just crying about how I don’t know what to do with my life but that is where I’m at right now. For so much of my life, I was so certain of what I wanted to do with my life but let fear and doubt talk me out of following my passions. When I found blogging, it opened a whole new world for me. One where I can talk about anything my little heart desires. One where people care what I have to say. One where I can just be Phoebe. Of course, being in an unspecified niche doesn’t make me a lot of money though. I would also love to say that publishing a book is in my near future but every time I attempt to get started, my mind is flooded with questions until it eventually goes blank. What should it be about? Who is this book even for? How does one even publish a book? Would people even read my book? Then I decide that it is simply not meant to be.

I’ve come to the conclusion that there are fewer worse feelings than feeling lost. My entire life I was lead to believe that one day it would click and I would just know what to do. I put too much blind faith in that, I guess. Or maybe I really did know what to do and allowed myself to be talked out of doing it. One thing I know for sure though is that whatever I’m doing now… I’m not good at it.

One Comment

  • I still don’t know what to do! And I am half your age! I think you have a knack for writing. A Mom-cat blog would probably work!
    Don’t be hard on yourself, I hardly think anyone has everything planned in their life. I know I didn’t plan on having a child at age 19 – but I did and it led me to many different paths throughout my life.
    So, my point is, have a heavy sigh, and know that life will come at you and you just do it. I was thinking that you should write for your local paper. Maybe just a special interest article, like your visit to Florida, or goat yoga or whatever. You really do have a way with words.

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