Nearly 2 years ago I sat in Starbucks on a Saturday (or Sunday but I think it was Saturday) morning and started this blog on an impulse. I was editing pictures from my recent trip to Alaska, a top bucket list item of mine for years, and had the overwhelming, sad feeling of “what’s next for my life?” Apparently starting a blog was next. Every morning I was not at work, I went to Starbucks or Biggby Coffee and wrote for multiple hours. Some things went to my blog, some went elsewhere and some are still sitting in a folder on my laptop and will never see the light of day.
When I started, I had no specific vision for this blog. I just wanted to tell my stories. Stories from Alaska. From South Dakota. From Puerto Rico, Dominican Republic, Atlanta, St. Louis. Stories from all of my travels. I also decided to include a key aspect from my life: depression.
Somewhere between starting this blog and now, I feel like it has gone… awry… Is that what I’m trying to say? I think so. I’ve spent a lot of time going through and deleting or rephrasing posts that didn’t fit my original vision. I don’t regret that.
There are things about this blog that have made my life better and there are things that have absolutely ruined it. Yeah. I said what I said. I can’t quite pinpoint what went wrong, causing me to stray away from my vision though. When I go back and read through my old posts, it was around May 2018 when things got… weird. Coincidentally (probably not a coincidence), that was the same time my You Can Still Be Loved Without Loving Yourself post was being shared on social media (by strangers) like crazy and the time I started sharing my blog on my personal social media accounts, therefore it was no longer a secret. Achieving a mild level of success made me feel pressured to keep it up. To write more posts that everyone could relate to. To act like I was some big, bad influencer when I wasn’t even close to that. To monetize my writing. To act like I knew what I was doing. Deep down, I just wanted be back in Starbucks, semi-anonymously clicking away at my laptop, telling my stories.
Tomorrow morning, I’m going back to Starbucks.