i’m going back to starbucks.

Nearly 2 years ago I sat in Starbucks on a Saturday (or Sunday but I think it was Saturday) morning and started this blog on an impulse. I was editing pictures from my recent trip to Alaska, a top bucket list item of mine for years, and had the overwhelming, sad feeling of “what’s next for my life?” Apparently starting a blog was next. Every morning I was not at work, I went to Starbucks or Biggby Coffee and wrote for multiple hours. Some things went to my blog, some went elsewhere and some are still sitting in a folder on my laptop and will never see the light of day.

When I started, I had no specific vision for this blog. I just wanted to tell my stories. Stories from Alaska. From South Dakota. From Puerto Rico, Dominican Republic, Atlanta, St. Louis. Stories from all of my travels. I also decided to include a key aspect from my life: depression.

Somewhere between starting this blog and now, I feel like it has gone… awry… Is that what I’m trying to say? I think so. I’ve spent a lot of time going through and deleting or rephrasing posts that didn’t fit my original vision. I don’t regret that.

There are things about this blog that have made my life better and there are things that have absolutely ruined it. Yeah. I said what I said. I can’t quite pinpoint what went wrong, causing me to stray away from my vision though. When I go back and read through my old posts, it was around May 2018 when things got… weird. Coincidentally (probably not a coincidence), that was the same time my You Can Still Be Loved Without Loving Yourself post was being shared on social media (by strangers) like crazy and the time I started sharing my blog on my personal social media accounts, therefore it was no longer a secret. Achieving a mild level of success made me feel pressured to keep it up. To write more posts that everyone could relate to. To act like I was some big, bad influencer when I wasn’t even close to that. To monetize my writing. To act like I knew what I was doing. Deep down, I just wanted be back in Starbucks, semi-anonymously clicking away at my laptop, telling my stories.

Tomorrow morning, I’m going back to Starbucks.

2 Comments

  • Its ok to re-invent all you want!

  • I love this. Last week I started graduate school, and one of my professors told us this (paraphrasing here) “if you feel confused or lost and have a question, chances are, someone else also has that same concern”. I think that same blurb of advice can be applied here. I hope you move forward not feeling the pressure and stress that you have felt in the past. You don’t need to to mold your blog to be what you think others expect. Be authentically you! no matter what you do, someone, somewhere, will relate, and find comfort/humor/joy/sadness from what you write. The being said, the arts are for the artist and the artist should love their art. I love your blog, just as a side note.

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