*Before I get into this post, I feel the need to make a huge disclaimer. I am hesitant to even post this because I don’t want to deter or discourage anyone from getting the help they need. I truly believe that you will figure it out (just like I know I will). I just feel the need to vent my frustrations and be honest about what’s going one with me at the moment.
I’m not sure how familiar you are with my mental health background (I have quite a few new readers, I’ve noticed), but if you were around a few months ago, you know I was checked into and mental health crisis center back in April and completed an IOP program. Upon completing this program, I felt on top of the world. I felt like I was given a second chance at life, I mean I kind of was, right? I’ve been doing amazing. Ask anyone in my daily life. I have a positive attitude now that makes people question “who are you and what did you do with Phoebe?”.
Unfortunately, in a way I feel as if my progress as been completely undone because, well…. I owe an absurd amount of money now because of this. I won’t put a number on it. It’s not my intent to ask for pity. It happens. Its life. Yes- I have insurance. Good insurance. But that’s still not enough. On top of this, I spend about $90 a month on medication. I literally had to take a second job delivering pizzas to pay for this.
I think it’s incredibly messed up that because I wanted to die, I had to put myself in an endless cycle of debt that continually makes me want to die. I literally cannot afford to not be depressed and thats messed up.
I’m not going to lie to you, I’ve spent a lot of time feeling sorry for myself lately and I kind of think I have a right to.
So that’s where I’m at right now and why I’ve been inconsistent. Because I’ve been laying in bed staring at the ceiling in the dark.