Girl Love.

I feel like every post I’ve made lately has had something to do with Lilly Singh. Even the other day when I posted about Humble the Poet; I discovered Lilly through Humble. I can’t help it though. Over the past year or so, Lilly has become one of my

biggest inspirations and lately, I’ve been obsessed with her… Ok well that sounded creepier than I intended. I’ve been extra inspired by her.

Lilly created a movement called Girl Love, which I think is incredible. I was inspired to talk about the concept of Girl Love because the other day, I was scrolling through Instagram and saw that YouTuber Adelaine Morin also released a line of merch with the concept of Girls Supporting Girls. I love it! I love it! I love it!

Girl Love and Girls Supporting Girls are essentially what they sound like and this is so important because we live in a world where jealousy and hate are so prominent, especially between girls. You lose nothing by supporting someone else and I’ll be the first to admit that it took me a while to learn this. Like, almost 25 years.

I’m not a regular viewer of Adelaine (although I probably should be because she is so wonderful and positive and the world needs more people like her), but I definitely plan on buying something from her Girls Supporting Girls line (I have my eye on the iPhone case) because I support Adelaine. I have a design in my shop also that says “Support Your Friends” based on a similar concept. I will link my shirt as well as Lilly’s and Adelaine’s because I support those girls! I encourage you to check out not only their merch, but who they are as influential women.

SUPPORT YOUR FRIENDS: Wander the Arctic Store

GIRL LOVE: LillySingh.com

GIRLS SUPPORTING GIRLS: FanJoy.co

I have absolutely beautiful, supportive friends who are the epitome of Girl Love and Girls Supporting Girls and it makes me sad to think that there are girls out there who don’t have a support system like that. Even earlier today when I walked into work, one of my work friends told me she thought I looked pretty today and was giving off really good vibes today and it brightened my entire day! I love the positivity within my friend group. Support your friends whether you are showing support for something specific they are doing or have going on in their lives or just telling them you are grateful to have them in your life. Support strangers. Support acquaintances. You lose nothing by choosing kindness over hatred.

Happiness Shouldn’t Be the Default

One of my favorite things to contemplate is from the book “Unlearn” by the wonderful, Humble the Poet. If I remember correctly, this point comes from one of the first few chapters in the book (but they are all extremely enlightening and you should definitely read the entire book). He makes the point that happiness isn’t supposed to last forever because if it did, how would we ever know what happiness felt like?

Woah- isn’t happiness supposed to be what we strive for?

I flipped that thought around and thought about depression. Am I actually depressed all the time or is that just my default state of mind? Ive been depressed. Ive been depressed for long periods of time and have had to seek a lot of help for my depression but am I depressed right now? Probably not. I’m just so used to saying and believing that I am depressed so it has become my natural state of mind. Will I be depressed again in the future? Sure. Will I need to seek intensive help again in the future? Never say never. Depression is a chronic illness. But it is very easy to confuse contentment with depression.. or even happiness if that is all you know. It may be depression. It may be happiness. I don’t live inside your brain so I can’t answer that for you. I am only speaking from my own experiences. Right now, I am not depressed and when it comes back in the future, I will know exactly what it feels like.

As far as not being happy all the time in order to know what true happiness feels like- this may be an unpopular opinion among some of the people in my life but I agree with Humble. The biggest question I have run into with the belief of this philosophy is “why wouldn’t you want to be happy all the time?” Let me leave you with this: if I felt the same way the first time one of my posts got a few thousand views or the day I fulfilled my lifelong dream of standing on a glacier, that wouldn’t be very satisfying now would it? So yes. Happiness is what we strive for but it should be a motivator and something to look forward to and cherish. There is nothing wrong with being content.

We Deserve Better

In light of the recent suicides in the news, I thought I would bring up something that may be a hard pill to swallow for many. It seems that whenever there is a suicide in the media, I see an increase of social media posts with the message of “I am here for you if you ever need someone to talk to” or suicide helpline numbers. I am not by any means saying that this is a bad thing. I only hope that some of these posts reach people in crisis and help someone get the help they need.

A few years ago, a friend of mine lost the battle to his own brain and there are many times that I, myself have also almost lost this battle. The most heartbreaking thing about the reality of so many people who are hurting is that they are unable to get the help they are searching for until it is too late, or almost too late.

A few weeks ago, I attended the Sashbear Walk in Toronto and one of the things the Sashbear Foundation strives for is to get people the help they need before it is too late, as that situation affected them personally. While I was walking, I had the pleasure of chatting with a guy who lived in Toronto and we talked about the differences in difficulty getting help where we live. One thing that we agreed on was that there is not enough effort made to prevent people from getting to the point where they need emergency help. I, personally was only able to get an adequate amount of help after checking myself into a behavioral crisis center even though some of my issues had effected me for 10+ years and even then I am not exactly sure I can even describe the help I was given as “adequate”. Just slightly more intensive than before.

We deserve better than that. As humans, we deserve so much more. We shouldn’t have to be in a crisis state in order to feel like we have accessible resources.

With that being said, I am going to say the cliche thing: If you ever want to talk, email me at wanderthearctic@gmail.com. I own a mental health blog for a reason. Be kind to yourself, loves.

Knowing Your Worth Does Not Make You Conceited

I think there is a lot of confusion between knowing your worth and being conceited. Complimenting yourself doesn’t make you arrogant. And self deprecation is not humility. 

As soon as I receive a compliment, it find it impossible to simply say “thank you”. My conversations tend to go something like this:

“Hey Phoebe! Your eye makeup looks really good today!”

“Oh. Thanks..but  I suck at makeup”

When they should really go more like this:

“Hey Phoebe! Your eye makeup looks really good today!”

“Thanks! I think it came out pretty well today too!”

In the above conversation, in no way did I 1. insult anyone else 2. claim to be better than anyone else 3. do anything besides exude a small amount of confidence. So why on earth is it so hard to have conversation #2 instead of conversation #1?

Because THIS is how confidence is viewed:

And honestly, if conversation #2 is still too hard there’s a third option.

“Hey Phoebe! Your eye makeup looks really good today!”

“Thanks! I’m no Jaclyn Hill but I think it came out alright today!”

 

What got me really thinking about this was actually a chapter in Lilly Singh’s book “How To Be A Bawse”. .. Of course it was because I read this book like it’s the Bible. ..In this chapter, Lilly talked about her experience meeting Selena Gomez and how Selena absolutely schooled her in self confidence. She gave many examples of how Selena displayed confidence but one example stuck out to me and made a lasting impression. Lilly explained that when talking to Selena about her album cover, Selena described it as “raw and beautiful”. I was very taken aback hearing this because I don’t think I could ever refer to myself as beautiful out loud to someone else whether or not I felt it was true. But Selena was confident enough to do so. I was impressed and inspired.

I hate the fact that in hearing someone compliment herself, I was shocked. Selena feels that she is beautiful and was not afraid to say it. No where in this story did Selena claim to be more beautiful than anybody else, she simply said she thought she was beautiful. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

I know personally I am constantly insulting myself and praying that someone will disagree with me and boost my confidence even if I know damn well exactly what I want them to reaffirm for me because recognizing my own accomplishments feels unnatural and wrong. It’s so much easier to try and relate to others using our flaws rather than our strengths. One of my worst examples of this is probably when I talk about my college degree in the following way; “I studied Kinesiology in school but now I’m an overweight bank teller so clearly that worked out well for me” when I could simply choose to recognize that even though I may not be using my degree, I still worked hard for it and that shouldn’t be discounted.

Recognizing your accomplishments is not conceited. Complimenting yourself isn’t insulting others. Confidence is not feeling like you are better than others, it is feeling like the best version of yourself.