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25 Noteworthy Things About the Last 25 Years

I turn 25 on Saturday… WHAT?! A quarter of a century? 25. TWENTY FIVE? TWO-

FIVE?! HUH?! Hard to believe when I still look like I’m 14… Anyways.. I decided to reflect on some of the most noteworthy things about my life from the past 25 years, both good and bad. I decided against the typical “25 Things I’ve Learned in 25 Years” post because I did “17 Things I Learned in 2017” a while back and I didn’t want to keep repeating the same ideas. So I thought I would change it up! I also hope that this helps you get to know me a little bit better! So here we go: 25 Noteworthy Things About the Last 25 Years (in no particular order).

    1. Well, for starters- I was born (sorry, my inner sarcastic Sassafras had to…)(1993)
    2. I graduated High School (2012)
    3. I graduated College in (2015)
    4. I went on multiple mission trips, both domestic and international. (2009-2012)
    5. I’m getting married?! WHAT?! (late 2018)
    6. I became a mom to 3 (potentially 4) lovely cats.(2014, 2015, 2016, 2018)
    7. I met my childhood hero (2017)
    8. I auditioned for The Voice (spoiler: I didn’t make it lol)(2013)
    9. I went parasailing and hated every second of it. (2016)
    10. I stood on a glacier!!!! (2017)
    11. I hiked in Denali !!!!!!!!!!! (2017)
    12. I obtained a Zumba Instructor license (2013)
    13. I ran 5 half marathons (2015-2016)
    14. I fell in love with my boss (refer back to #5 lol) (2012/2014)
    15. I got kicked out of a bar on my 21st birthday (2014)
    16. I went to both Disney World and Disney Land (2004, 2017)
    17. I traveled internationally completely alone (2018)
    18. I quit my job without a plan (2015)
    19. I taught myself how to play guitar (2007)
    20. I led worship…a lot (2010-2014)
    21. I totaled my car and the only reason I didn’t die is because I’m only 5’1″ so I didn’t get crushed. (2014)
    22. I created this blog! (2017)
    23. I finally came forward about my depression and got the right help (2016)
    24. I came to the realization that I have the best friends in the entire world (2018)
    25. I found my happiness (2018)

I’ve had the best 25 years of life so far so here is to another 25! … well, hopefully more than that.

PS. If you wanna get me a birthday present, buy my merch. I’ll love you forever and ever.

 

a way overdue apology…

This is probably going to be the hardest thing to date that I’ve had to click “publish” for. Throughout all the healing I’ve worked toward over the past couple years, there are a few things I have ignored (on purpose) and lately, its been heavy on my heart to make things right, with myself and with others who have been victims of crazy things I’ve done or said in the past. I’d have to say honestly, at this point I feel about 85% better than I did several months ago (and basically my whole life prior to then) but in order to be 100%, I have to stop pretending like huge parts of my past personality didn’t exist. This isn’t targeted at one specific person, but rather several people who have walked out of my life with a negative impression of who I am as a human. So here it goes:

 

Hi. It’s been a long time since we’ve spoken, much longer than I would have liked but it’s probably too soon for you still. I hope you will at least hear me out for just a minute. Since we don’t talk, you probably don’t read my blog so you probably need a little background of where I’ve been. I’ve struggled with some pretty severe depression my entire life and I never got proper help until 2016. Since 2016, I’ve seen numerous doctors, therapists, been in programs to help me get my brain under control. I have a diagnosis called Borderline Personality Disorder and I won’t give you a whole textbook definition of it but in short, I have no idea how to treat people, or rather, I didn’t in the past. I have a few other diagnoses also, but that one is key. Like I said, I’m doing alright now. My whole life, I lived in fear of people leaving me. If you weren’t telling me you loved me, you were probably off somewhere hating me. Jealousy consumed every thought, word and action of mine. I needed constant reassurance that I deserved.. well honestly, to live.

My mental illness is NOT an excuse for me treating people like dirt. I know that. I can’t apologize on behalf of an illness. I still have that illness and I always will have that illness. The difference is, I know how to handle it now. I no longer feel the need to make people feel like a victim in order to be validated. I honestly never realized that it was me who was in the wrong, not everyone else. All I can do is to move forward with a positive outlook on life and lift people up instead of tearing them down.

Like I said, I can’t apologize on behalf of an illness but I can apologize for the way I handled my relationships in the past and I can honestly say that until I started making an effort to learn about why I think and feel the way I do, I never realized that I was the  one who was wrong. I am free from that mindset now and I want to be free of the regret and guilt and I carry because of these things. Thank you for hearing me out and allowing me to be honest. Going forward, I am better.

xo Phoebe

 

This has been so heavy on me for the past few weeks and I decided, its time I forgive myself for who I was in my darkest times. Whether or not you have been negatively impacted by someone struggling with a severe mental illness, I hope you can take something away from my experience and learn from it. I know I’m learning from it everyday.

 

Girl Love, part ii

Do you ever fall down those YouTube rabbit holes where you start off watching a music video for your favorite song and the next thing you know you are watching a video of alpacas eating watermelon? Or is that just me? That can’t just be me. That’s always me. That was me earlier. Sometimes I just let my “recommended” play in the other tab while I work because I like background noise. Nine times out of ten, I don’t even bother to figure out what I’m listening to, I just need to hear people talk to help me focus (although that actually sounds extremely counterproductive. I don’t do well with silence). I was writing some other posts earlier though, and in the background there was a video playing that I decided to click on because I heard Sadie Robertson’s voice. If you don’t know who Sadie Robertson is, she’s an influential young adult best known for being on Duck Dynasty and Dancing With the Stars. She also has a YouTube channel, apparently. I’ve seen videos of Sadie speaking before and I love her confidence and passion for everything she talks about.

One of Sadie’s videos came on during my YouTube background noise marathon and it caught my attention and became more than background noise. The video was Sadie sitting down with her friend, Laney Redmon (I think the video was called Friendship Tag or something like that. Actually, I will link it here). Laney and Sadie talked about building a foundation for friendship. I happened to hear “when you give a compliment to somebody else, it makes you more beautiful because you are speaking life”. I paused. THIS. I learn more and more everyday how true this statement actually is.

On Sunday, I finally went shopping for my wedding dress and of course, I brought my friends. I have so much love for my friends and I know I say that all the time but I can’t stop. I love my friends so much. I reflected on this experience, remembering how positive of an experience it was. While I was trying on my potential dresses and while my friends were trying on bridesmaid dresses, my friends (some of whom barely know each other) were all so full of love and compliments for each other. There was no jealousy, there was no hate. All love and support.

I wrote a post a couple weeks ago about Girl Love. This is basically Girl Love, part 2. When you lift other people up, you lift yourself up automatically. Similarly, when you put others down, you put yourself down by default. I’ve made it my mission to make sure my friends always feel like they are loved and supported because I’ve been on the opposite side of that-both dishing out and receiving. I struggled with jealousy for so much of my life and it got me nowhere but when I let that go, when I starting giving love, I got love back in return. I even have a tattoo that says “you give love, you get love” and I try to live by that. When I started letting others know they were beautiful, I started to feel beautiful. The world has too much hate, especially between people who claim to love each other. Let’s get a handle on that, yeah?

I Did What With Goats?! (Goat Yoga Review)

There’s this “new” trend I’ve discovered called goat yoga. It is exactly what it sounds like: yoga. With goats. Don’t believe me? HERE. I always wanted to try it but I didn’t quite know where I could possibly find such an out-there kind of class where I live. Well, until I recently connected with someone who owns a goat yoga business. Sure, the class is quite far from where I live BUT, it was a chance to try goat yoga and a chance to support a new friend so I gave it a shot (also, most importantly, a chance to love on some really adorable goats).

Let me say, I hate yoga. I have tried multiple times to enjoy yoga but I just can’t. However, there is something magical about doing yoga with tiny goats running around that makes me want to do yoga everyday, well provided its goat yoga that is.

Basically goat yoga is yoga with goats running around during the class. It’s fantastic. Who wouldn’t want to spend Saturday morning loving on tiny goats? If you don’t, there is honestly something wrong with you. The best thing about goat yoga is that it can essentially be about whatever you want it to be about. For me, it was more about the goats than the yoga. For you it may be more about the yoga, or the outdoors. Just like most other things in life, you get out of it exactly what you put into it. For me, I put in a lot of effort loving on adorable baby goats and left feeling refreshed and comforted.

I think animals are an incredible form of therapy and I am a huge supporter of animal therapy. I consider my cats to be the most therapeutic aspect of my life, actually. Being with the goats put me in a very peaceful and calm state of mind and melted all of my current stresses away for the duration of the class. I wasn’t even worried about how painful some of the poses were because I was so focused on the adorableness of the goats. I left feeling incredibly happy and eager to attend another class.

Whether or not you identify as a yogi, goat yoga is an experience not to pass up.

The goat yoga class I attended was through Happy Goat Lucky Yoga in Noblesville, IN. The class is held outdoors with relaxing scenery, has a great instructor (which has helped me tolerate painful poses) and adorable, friendly goats. Here are some of their links if you happen to live in the Indianapolis area and you’d like to check them out!

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