Archive for Uncategorized – Page 2

Life IS the Obstacles

Last night, I was laying in my bathtub flipping through Humble the Poet’s book, “Unlearn: 101 Simple Truths for a Better Life”, as I often do when I feel the need for a reality check coming on, and once again I was hand delivered a large, chalky pill to choke down.

“Life doesn’t start after the obstacles; life is the obstacles.” 

Dang. How many times have I told myself that things will be different (or better) once I get my sh*t together? How many times have you told yourself that?

When I was in college, I worked more than 40 hours every week and at one point was taking 18 credit hours in one semester. That would have been tough anyway. Even just doing one of those things is tough, let alone simultaneously. But I had the value of a speck of dirt at my job and it was pretty obvious to me (although that’s a different story for a different time). For two years, I told myself that things would get better when I was done with school. When I was done with school, my life would begin. I graduated from school and my life didn’t begin. I worked the same crappy job for months after I graduated until I one day gathered up enough self respect to quit and do something else. I took an entry level position in a field completely unrelated to my degree and sat back and waited for my life to begin. Three years later, I still work there. The only difference is, I’m no longer waiting for my life to begin. I recognize that my life began a long time ago -like, 25 years ago.

I always find myself making excuses for why I am not doing something. “I’ll do this when my house is clean”, “I’ll do this when I lose weight”, “I’ll do this when I’m married”. No. I need to do whatever I need to do now.

Obstacles don’t go away. You get past one only to come up on another. Think about it. If you have to wait for life to start after the obstacles, you’ll be dead before you get a chance to live. Thank you, Humble, for once again slapping me in the face with something I really needed to hear (and you’re welcome for slapping you in the face with it too).

The Future of Wander the Arctic

I’m sure you noticed I did not post on Monday. I’d like to tell you that I have some really good, forgivable excuse, but I don’t. The truth is, I was overwhelmed and uninspired. I have so many projects I am working on at the moment, that writing a post for Monday seemed more like a daunting chore than anything else. So, I simply didn’t do it.

I’ve had a lot of things happening in my life in the past few weeks.

  1. I graduated from IOP.
  2. I had my 25th birthday (complete with party, which is never something I do).
  3. I became mom to a 4th cat.
  4. I bought my wedding dress!
  5. I’ve seen Harry Styles and Halsey live.
  6. I had an article go on Harness Magazine’s website.

I am so incredibly grateful for everything that’s happening in my life right now. So why have I been so uninspired? To be honest, the root of my website was always based on my unhappiness and my quest to find happiness. Now that finding genuine happiness is no longer such a difficult task, I’ve had to sort of reframe my website (and mindset) and what I do. It is becoming less about my personal journey and more about empowering strong individuals.

I hope you’ve been keeping up on my Support Your Friends series on Fridays. For the month of July, I’ve been featuring mental health stories and I will be featuring a new theme in August. If you’ve missed the series, catch up here.

While I still plan on documenting my own mental health and travel journeys, I want to shift my focus to inspiring and empowering my readers to do the great things that I know they are capable of. I have said this before, and I will say it forever: I want to be the resource that I wish I had when I was going through tough times. I know I am not healed  completely and I will have many more struggles over the course of my life, but for now I am doing well and I want to focus on doing well. I still promise to take you on this roller coaster with me but for now, our roller coaster cart is at the top of the hill and I think we’re going to sit there for a while.

25 Noteworthy Things About the Last 25 Years

I turn 25 on Saturday… WHAT?! A quarter of a century? 25. TWENTY FIVE? TWO-

FIVE?! HUH?! Hard to believe when I still look like I’m 14… Anyways.. I decided to reflect on some of the most noteworthy things about my life from the past 25 years, both good and bad. I decided against the typical “25 Things I’ve Learned in 25 Years” post because I did “17 Things I Learned in 2017” a while back and I didn’t want to keep repeating the same ideas. So I thought I would change it up! I also hope that this helps you get to know me a little bit better! So here we go: 25 Noteworthy Things About the Last 25 Years (in no particular order).

    1. Well, for starters- I was born (sorry, my inner sarcastic Sassafras had to…)(1993)
    2. I graduated High School (2012)
    3. I graduated College in (2015)
    4. I went on multiple mission trips, both domestic and international. (2009-2012)
    5. I’m getting married?! WHAT?! (late 2018)
    6. I became a mom to 3 (potentially 4) lovely cats.(2014, 2015, 2016, 2018)
    7. I met my childhood hero (2017)
    8. I auditioned for The Voice (spoiler: I didn’t make it lol)(2013)
    9. I went parasailing and hated every second of it. (2016)
    10. I stood on a glacier!!!! (2017)
    11. I hiked in Denali !!!!!!!!!!! (2017)
    12. I obtained a Zumba Instructor license (2013)
    13. I ran 5 half marathons (2015-2016)
    14. I fell in love with my boss (refer back to #5 lol) (2012/2014)
    15. I got kicked out of a bar on my 21st birthday (2014)
    16. I went to both Disney World and Disney Land (2004, 2017)
    17. I traveled internationally completely alone (2018)
    18. I quit my job without a plan (2015)
    19. I taught myself how to play guitar (2007)
    20. I led worship…a lot (2010-2014)
    21. I totaled my car and the only reason I didn’t die is because I’m only 5’1″ so I didn’t get crushed. (2014)
    22. I created this blog! (2017)
    23. I finally came forward about my depression and got the right help (2016)
    24. I came to the realization that I have the best friends in the entire world (2018)
    25. I found my happiness (2018)

I’ve had the best 25 years of life so far so here is to another 25! … well, hopefully more than that.

PS. If you wanna get me a birthday present, buy my merch. I’ll love you forever and ever.

 

a way overdue apology…

This is probably going to be the hardest thing to date that I’ve had to click “publish” for. Throughout all the healing I’ve worked toward over the past couple years, there are a few things I have ignored (on purpose) and lately, its been heavy on my heart to make things right, with myself and with others who have been victims of crazy things I’ve done or said in the past. I’d have to say honestly, at this point I feel about 85% better than I did several months ago (and basically my whole life prior to then) but in order to be 100%, I have to stop pretending like huge parts of my past personality didn’t exist. This isn’t targeted at one specific person, but rather several people who have walked out of my life with a negative impression of who I am as a human. So here it goes:

 

Hi. It’s been a long time since we’ve spoken, much longer than I would have liked but it’s probably too soon for you still. I hope you will at least hear me out for just a minute. Since we don’t talk, you probably don’t read my blog so you probably need a little background of where I’ve been. I’ve struggled with some pretty severe depression my entire life and I never got proper help until 2016. Since 2016, I’ve seen numerous doctors, therapists, been in programs to help me get my brain under control. I have a diagnosis called Borderline Personality Disorder and I won’t give you a whole textbook definition of it but in short, I have no idea how to treat people, or rather, I didn’t in the past. I have a few other diagnoses also, but that one is key. Like I said, I’m doing alright now. My whole life, I lived in fear of people leaving me. If you weren’t telling me you loved me, you were probably off somewhere hating me. Jealousy consumed every thought, word and action of mine. I needed constant reassurance that I deserved.. well honestly, to live.

My mental illness is NOT an excuse for me treating people like dirt. I know that. I can’t apologize on behalf of an illness. I still have that illness and I always will have that illness. The difference is, I know how to handle it now. I no longer feel the need to make people feel like a victim in order to be validated. I honestly never realized that it was me who was in the wrong, not everyone else. All I can do is to move forward with a positive outlook on life and lift people up instead of tearing them down.

Like I said, I can’t apologize on behalf of an illness but I can apologize for the way I handled my relationships in the past and I can honestly say that until I started making an effort to learn about why I think and feel the way I do, I never realized that I was the  one who was wrong. I am free from that mindset now and I want to be free of the regret and guilt and I carry because of these things. Thank you for hearing me out and allowing me to be honest. Going forward, I am better.

xo Phoebe

 

This has been so heavy on me for the past few weeks and I decided, its time I forgive myself for who I was in my darkest times. Whether or not you have been negatively impacted by someone struggling with a severe mental illness, I hope you can take something away from my experience and learn from it. I know I’m learning from it everyday.